Oído a un tertuliano de la radio, hablando de la visita de la Reina al Rey que le operaron de una hernia:
-Pues es muy importante como la gente aplaudía a la reina a la salida del hospital.
Oído a un segundo tertuliano apoyando las tesis del primero:
-Sí, claro que es importante. Pero es que eso es lo natural de las cosas. A la gente le gusta aplaudir a su reina; lo malo es cuando la cosa se altera y pasan cosas que hacen que la gente no aplauda a sus reyes. Y entonces claro, cuando la gente no puede seguir el orden natural de las cosas, pues claro, se alteran.
Oído al presentador de la tertulia y al resto de tertulianos, contestando a la aseveración del segundo tertuliano:
-Ah, es verdad, es verdad.
Y entonces todos se quedan tan contentos y pasan a otro tema. ¿A qué tema? Ah, sí, al tema Bárcenas (memorable ex tesorero del PP. El malo más malo de todos los malos que además se parece al padre de la serie Bonanza). Y también el debate se desarrolla enérgico hasta que uno de los tertulianos, una tertuliana para más señas, tercia de la siguiente forma:
-Pues lo que está claro del asunto es que Bárcenas se llevó el dinero pero a costa del PP. Porque me consta, y me consta claramente de buenas fuentes del partido, que las cuentas del PP están nítidamente claras; pero vamos, al euro. Allí se controlan los gastos, euro que sale y euro que entra. Por tanto, el partido (y eso está claro) no tiene nada que ver con la fortuna que ha hecho Bárcenas y que al parecer tiene en Suiza. Será Bárcenas el que tenga que pagar por eso. Pero desde luego no el partido.
Oído al resto de tertulianos al conocer las impresiones de su compañera tertuliana:
-Ah, es cierto es cierto. Claro, rotundamente claro.
Y en esas estamos. Total, que lo mejor es que no pase nada. Que aquí no pase nada o mejor, que aquí NO PASA NADA. Porque luego te echas un periódico al coleto, se supone que un periódico serio, de vanguardia, progresista, y lees a sesudos articulistas explicar que en España no puede ocurrir de ninguna manera lo que ha pasado en Italia con Beppe Grillo, porque aquí somos serios y tenemos una sólida tradición democrática y que esas cosas sólo pueden darse en democracias exóticas como la italiana.
O sea más de lo mismo. Que aquí no pase nada o mejor, que aquí NO PASA NADA. Porque eso es lo ideal, lo más cómodo, sin duda lo más tranquilo. Que los malos sean inmediatamente identificados y apartados; que todos queramos mucho a nuestros Reyes y les aplaudamos. Porque así no se altera el orden natural de las cosas. Y mejor que si algún chalado se tira por la ventada reventado por la desesperación de no poder pagar el piso que se le escapa, si puede ser, no lo contemos. Y que el paro solo es un dato que se da de vez en cuando por la mañana en la radio y la EPA (Encuesta de Población Activa) es estadística (e incierta y mentirosa como dice el jefe de los empresarios Rosell) y los salarios son números, que mejor que bajen a que suban, porque si suben molestan al gran pope de toda esta historia, el sacrosanto déficit del estado, que es mejor cuadrar las cuentas a que la gente coma; que lo ideal es que se siga destruyendo empleo porque así nos modernizamos y entramos en la senda del crecimiento; y lo estupendo es parecernos a los alemanes. No, mejor, que seamos idénticos a los alemanes. Y si alguien se pregunta cómo cojones se va a convertir en alemán, si es imposible ser de pronto rubio y tener pecas y hablar “hoffen-strojen” y que tan imposible como eso es que le paguen a uno los salarios que ellos tienen, o los servicios de que disfrutan o las empresas que crean; pero eso da igual, lo importante es que paguemos como los alemanes… porque si tenemos los mismos impuestos, si pagamos bien de IVA, si perdemos el empleo y los salarios son más precarios eso nos va a hacer cada vez, dicen, más parecidos a los alemanes. Que es lo que tenemos que hacer: menos españoles y más alemanes. Menos siesta y menos toros y más energía, coño, que sois una puta rémora para los europeos. Y por cierto, si alguien se atreve a salir a la calle a protestar, que aparezcan de inmediato voceros autorizados como ese tal Victoria, Salvador para más datos (salvador y victoria, joder qué combinación mas escalofriante) y adviertan a la humanidad contra ese grupo de insolentes que se atreven a gritar contra el orden establecido, como si fueran golpistas dispuestos a cercenar nuestra idílica democracia. Y cuando las tertulias hablen, que digan que todo va bien. Que el Rey ya sonríe en el hospital y la chusma aplaude a rabiar a la reina, contentos de que nada, absolutamente nada, altere el orden natural de las cosas.
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