LA PANTERA ROSA EN HACIENDA

la pantera rosa

Con lo que nos ha regañado el tío!

   Subido en la tribuna nos ha leído la cartilla a todos una y otra vez. Con esa severidad de maestro de escuela, Cristóbal Montoro nos ha recordado a todos lo mucho que defraudamos, lo incumplidores que somos, el gasto que hacemos, lo mucho que costamos, lo poco que producimos y los impuestos que nos saltamos. Y se ha reído recordando que «ya le gustaría a él bajar losmontoro impuestos», mientras nos da lecciones de honradez y nos advierte, avisa, amenaza de que lo sabe todo, que nos tiene controlados y que aquí nadie se sustrae del poderoso ojo del Gran Hermano en que se ha convertido este Ministro de Hacienda al que solo falta mandarnos drones que merodeen alrededor de las casas por ver si alguien mete un céntimo debajo de la cama.

Pero resulta que se le ha pasado lo de la Infanta. Esa extraña peripecia de la Agencia Tributaria que atribuye a la Infanta la supuesta venta de 13 inmuebles (¡trece!) y que nuestra Pantera Rosa, después de una exhaustiva investigación, califica como un error administrativo, mientras levanta las manos y sonríe tal que  un cura dispuesto a perdonar la ignorancia de sus inspector clouseausúbditos,  que se sorprenden y se preguntan como puede ser que se equivoquen administrativamente cerca de una docena de notarios y registradores de la propiedad. Pero entonces llega el inspector Clouseau y nos dice: «Oiga no vean ustedes fantasmas volando», aunque nadie ve fantasmas volando sino un asunto extravagante digno de guion surrealista para Peter Sellers, pero que  apesta a montaje podrido de indecentes intenciones.

«Oiga, que es simplemente un error», dice por trigesimocuarta vez el inspector Cristobal Clouseau, a ver si de mucho insistir convence a alguien. Y entonces le ves ahí gesticulando, delante de los periodistas, con la sonrisa toni sopranoboba y las manos blandas,  y piensas: qué pena que se haya muerto Toni Soprano, porque yo le sentaba delante de Montoro,   a mirarle con esa cara angelicalmente perversa que solo James Galdonfini era capaz de poner. El ministro no hubiera disimulado el tembleque ni con  la gabardina de la Pantera Rosa.

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